Last Updated on December 8, 2023 by Erin
Most of us have an idea of how many kids we want to have, but once you’re in the thick of it, you may start to question when your family will be complete. Find out how I knew I was done having kids after my third baby.
Oh man, this is such a tough personal situation many of us moms have to work through. Sometimes we don’t even get to decide when we’re done, and fate makes the decision for us.
When I was a little girl, I thought I wanted 4 or 5 kids. I had a very small family: one brother who was 4 years younger than me, and only 2 cousins. I majorly envied my friends who had larger families. So, I committed to the idea that I would choose to have a big family when I grew up. I thought it be so fun.
My first baby was a very rude awakening.
I had her at 40 weeks + 4 days and she absolutely did not want to come into this world. Absolutely nothing went according to my birth plan. Water broke. Still not dilated more than 0.5 cm. Start antibiotics and pitocin. Soon needed an epidural. Still no progress. Baby’s oxygen levels were dropping. I was exhausted. Second epidural. Started pushing sooner than I should have. Still not progressing. Nothing left in the tank and worried about baby…C SECTION. Ultimately, I ended up with a healthy baby, so I am able to accept it for what it is. It’s my story. The only time I’m upset about it is when people get caught up on specifying if births were “natural” or not and I suddenly feel “less than.”
We all deserve a damn trophy!
Obviously, she was a BEAUTIFUL little baby girl, but she was the most alert newborn I’ve ever seen. And she never wanted to sleep. She would have trouble getting down for a nap and then she’d get overly tired and it got worse and it was a horrible vicious cycle. I thought she was broken. Or I was. Aren’t babies supposed to sleep, like, all the time? It made this new mama lose total faith in her ability to be a mom. I was actually anxious to get back to work so I could get some help and focus on other things for a change.
Two years later I forgot allllll about the hardships and decided we were ready to add another member to the family. Sweet little guy had some medical issues but he was the calmest, sweetest baby. It was such a different experience compared to my daughter. Even now, at ages 7 and 5, they have very different personalities. As you can imagine, my daughter is very independent and outspoken, and she STILL doesn’t like to sleep. My son is shy and sensitive and quiet. He has always put himself to bed. In fact, he started kicking us out of his room when he turned 3.
We thought we were going to be done after 2 kids UNTIL…my sister-in-law had her first baby and we visited them in the hospital. Both of us looked at each other and immediately knew we were ready for more. I can’t fully describe the reasoning, but I held my niece and realized I was meant to do this one more time. I guess I would compare it to love at first sight. When you know, you know? If you hold a baby and feel a bit of “baby fever” you should explore those feelings. But also try to remember how incredibly hard it is, too, because…
I definitely forgot.
My third pregnancy was rough. My hip joints were angry, and I waddled from 6 months on. At 37 weeks I developed pre-eclampsia and had my C-section two weeks earlier than expected. I was totally unprepared but ready for him to meet the world. Based on how awful my body felt this time around, I knew I was done. Was it any easy decision to make? Absolutely not. It’s really weird to voluntarily have a part of your female anatomy removed when there isn’t anything wrong with it. Thankfully, my body helped made the decision for me. I knew if I accidentally got pregnant down the road, it would be dangerous for me. I’m no spring chicken!
He was a pretty easy baby, like his brother, and I was actually incredibly thankful that I was able to extend my time home with him when everything shut down due to COVID. It wasn’t easy meeting with students virtually all day long with an infant, but it helped me slow down and soak up all the “baby stuff,” knowing this was the last.
Even though my body was done having kids, it soon became very clear to me that I was done in my heart as well. When other people we knew started having babies, I no longer felt envious and no longer felt like I wanted to experience those phases again. I was really starting to appreciate the phases my kids were currently in and where we were headed.
I have to tell you, it’s pretty awesome when your kids start buckling themselves into their car seats, can use a toilet and wipe independently, and can sleep through the night consistently. Those are milestones to be celebrated just as much as the rolling over, sitting up, and first steps. We are now moving through the world as our family of five and it feels fantastic. It feels complete and whole and we have clear goals for our futures.
For some of you, you might feel that way after one kid, or two, or maybe seven. Maybe you feel perfectly content with no kids! It’s your story and you get to write it. Listen to your heart AND your body. And please remember…
Whatever you do, it will be the right decision.
If this post was helpful to you in any way or you think it might be helpful for a dear friend, feel free to share or save 🙂
Sincerely,
Erin
