Last Updated on February 27, 2023 by Erin
Becoming a midlife mom in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s can come with its own unique set of benefits and challenges. For some women, starting a family later in life can be a deeply rewarding experience, while for others it can be more difficult.
When I got married, I had a great aunt who was so perturbed by the fact that my husband and I weren’t planning on having children right away. She made the comment, “Doesn’t she know she’s going to be going through menopause when her kids are in high school?” I still truly do not understand why that is a concern.
I am honestly so grateful that I waited to start a family and I’m sure many of you out there feel the same way!
In this post, we’ll explore some of the benefits and challenges of being a midlife mom to a young child.
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Benefits of Being a Midlife Mom to a Young Child
Experience
One of the most significant benefits of being a midlife mom is that you have a wealth of life experience to draw upon. You’ve likely had more time to establish your career, travel, and pursue your interests, and this can give you a greater sense of self-assuredness and confidence when it comes to parenting.
I had the amazing benefit of having a job in special education for six years before having my first child. That experience taught me the importance of structure, routine, and visual supports. I knew what developmental milestones to expect and how to help build those skills. It gave me a sense of confidence that I would not have had if I became a mother right at the start of my career.
Now that I’m a parent of three children, I’m so glad I spent time in my 20s studying abroad, visiting friends around the country, and taking romantic road trips with my husband. I got to be an independent soul for a while and learn more about my identity before becoming “mom.”
Financial stability
By the time you reach midlife, you’re likely more financially stable than you were in your 20s. This can make it easier to provide for your child and ensure they have everything they need.
Kids are expensive, no doubt about it! I’m so grateful I was financially independent before I even got married. My husband and I knew the importance of staying debt-free, which allowed us to remain stress-free about finances when we started our family. Our second child has had some medical needs over the years, and I’m so grateful we have been able to afford the healthcare costs. Our health insurance through our jobs isn’t great, unfortunately. We end up paying a lot out of pocket.
Being financially stable as new parents allowed us the ability to start investing in real estate, even on two very unimpressive teacher salaries. We keep on investing and growing our portfolio, in the hopes that it will help pay for college for our three kids, help us retire early, and pass along those investments to our kids.
Financial stability has also allowed me to explore a midlife career change, without the stress of losing a full-time income.
Perspective
As a midlife mom, you may have a different perspective on life and what’s important. You may be more patient, understanding, and willing to take things in stride.
I’ve gone through a bit of a “midlife crisis” the last few years and I’ve come out the other side caring so much less about what others think of me or living up to certain expectations. It makes me a carefree mama. I don’t care what outfits the kids pick to wear to school because I know it’s helping them develop their style and independence. There is no need to post a million pictures on social media of all our activities because who cares? I take a few pictures for a personal photo album and try my best to live in the moment.
Challenges of Being a Midlife Mom to Young Children
Energy
Raising a young child requires a lot of energy, and as we get older, we may find that our energy levels start to decline. This can make it more challenging to keep up with a toddler or young child.
I drink A LOT of coffee to get through the day, much more than I did ten years ago. Anyone else?
Here are a few of the ways I’m trying to increase my energy levels in midlife:
- exercising regularly
- drinking enough water…this is especially important because of the amount of coffee I drink
- eating a balanced diet
- getting 7-9 hours of sleep at night
Health concerns
As we age, we may be more susceptible to chronic health problems, and this can impact our ability to parent effectively. Chronic health problems are not inevitable in midlife, but some of the more common issues that crop up in our 40s and 50s include:
- high blood pressure
- diabetes
- arthritis
- cancer
- depression/anxiety
Many can be prevented or managed with lifestyle changes such as exercise, healthy eating, and stress management. BUT if you are already working on managing these conditions, that adds an extra layer to the challenges of parenting.
Make sure you have a support system in place to help you and stay on top of your medical appointments. Ensure that you are practicing self-care and prioritizing your health.
Social isolation
Being a midlife mom can be isolating, particularly if you’re the only one in your social circle with young children. Fortunately, I think there are more and more women out there choosing to have children later in life. I don’t think it’s nearly as difficult to find similar midlife moms out there, like it might have been 20-30 years ago.
I can only think of a few instances where we didn’t go to social events because our children were much younger than the other kids there.
Midlife Mom Journey
Being a midlife mom to a young child can come with both benefits and challenges. While having more life experience, financial stability, and perspective can make it easier to handle the challenges of motherhood; energy levels, health concerns, and social isolation can make it more challenging. But let’s be real- motherhood is an intense journey no matter what age you are!
Let me know what you think! Do you agree with the benefits and challenges I’ve talked about in this post? Anything you would add?
Sincerely,
Erin
